Quiet Time

Well, it's shortly after 1am, my family is sleeping, and although I could barely make it through the day earlier without my little catnap, here I perch, chewing up precious sleep hours to try and squeeze in a quiet moment, to access my outlet. Yet I cannot, my mind overwhelmed with pent up frustrations, unable to express them. Exhausted, fighting the urge to let sleep prevail...

I open my daily devotional, and here is what is written for the day of December 10:

"There may be many times when I reveal nothing, command nothing, give no guidance. But your path is clear, and your task, to grow daily more and more into the knowledge of Me. That this quiet time with Me will enable you to do.

I may ask you to sit silent before Me, and I may speak no word that you could write. All the same that waiting with Me will bring comfort and Peace. Only friends who understand and love each other can wait silent in each other's presence.

And it may be that I shall prove our friendship by asking you to wait in silence while I rest with you, assured of your Love and understanding. So wait, so love, so joy." God Calling, A.J.Russell, Editor

Beautiful words, speaking directly to the frustrations of my soul. Another blaring nudge as to exactly what I need to get out of this slump. As ridiculous as it may sound, I weep with joy over these gentle words, the sincerity of God knocking me over the head with them.... He cares; He misses me, and he has been trying to tell me in so many ways, yet I deny Him my heart yet again, and again. He. Misses. Me. Words I have been longing to hear for months, yet words I still struggle to accept.

I may be a sleep-deprived wreck tomorrow, but there is coffee and grace for that. I miss my friend, and wish not to keep him waiting much longer....

Back in the swing

Well, here we are at our first “sorta” day back to some kind of a routine after a long weekend…Jon at work, Quinn home from school, Hilton playing noisily, yet contently by himself, and Solomon deciding that today is the day that he wants to cry after only a moments rest…. My baby has been so delightfully perfect up until this point, I find myself confused, as though I have never been here before…! But yet again, I find myself exactly where I was 2 and a half years ago…wiping poop off of my daughter’s bum while my baby boy cries..(plus, a bouncing soon-to-be-3 year old, who by the grace of God has mastered the art of self-entertainment, despite the putrid smell emitting from his pull-up).

Did I mention that she is 4? Just when I think we’re making progress, she seems to forget what we’ve set out to do…and then I get frustrated. If I have learned anything in the past 2 years, it is that I have to walk away in my frustration for fear of losing control…. Does this teach her anything about going to the bathroom to her bodies cues? No, but hopefully it teaches her that tantrums are not okay (okay, so I’m just hanging onto the hope that I’m doing something right in all of this... Anything!)

So, with that being said, perhaps you will no longer judge me (or anyone, for that matter) the next time you hear that my son is turning 3 next month, and I do my bare minimum in the matters of potty training. Some may even be shocked to hear that in my exhaustion, have admittedly discouraged him from using the toilet!

Well, I think my babe’s finally crying for something that I can offer him, my daughter’s hollering from the bathroom, and my son is in desperate need of attention…. Oh, and didn’t I have a cup of coffee around here somewhere, I wonder where I put that?

Hmm...I had a point I was eventually hoping to get to, but I guess when you leave your thoughts behind long enough, you eventually forget what you came for. Seems I've been doing a lot of that lately.

Re-findingjoy...

When I started my blog, I had hoped to make it a meaningful resource offering rejuvenation, depth and inspiration, yet as I find myself writing less and less in the midst of my life becoming busier and busier, I am coming to the realization that a little can take me a long ways. In a meek attempt at getting more value out of my time I am making another effort towards replacing those distractions that have yet again taken me away from my true self, and my family. So instead of feeling overwhelmed by the reality that I lack the energy to write an entire chapter of my story, I begin, yet again, one moment at a time.