Summa~ Borscht!

What an incredible summer it's been...filled with several park visits, picnics, thunderstorms, a few birthday parties, wading pools, special visitors (of the sister variety!), and a trip to SK...! Take these simple ingredients and throw them together, and you have yourself one yummy, heart-warming bowl of Zumma Borscht-y goodness! I've taken a gazillion pictures over the summer, so I think I might just post a few*...

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Slurpees and Ice Cream...summer staples!

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Puddles, parks and walks...but mostly puddles. =]

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...free zoo day.

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And my favorite:

...visiting family in SK. (didn't take nearly enough pictures, though.) =]

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(Beach or Bust!)

Ahhh, and of course, the September beach.....was awee-some!

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[* The term being relative]

Well, that was fun...thanks to the help of Picnik...and some time, of course. =]

Defeated Saturday to Hopeful Monday

Whewhee! What an odd week it’s been! I went from feeling defeated Saturday, to hopeful Monday; overwhelmed Tuesday, to accomplished Wednesday! If this relays anything to you, it is that I am an emotional woman! Look out! …Crazy hormones comin’ at ya!

On Saturday I was feeling defeated by my marriage, my daughter’s pee, and rent…(not in that order). But what’s really crazy is that by Monday I was covered in peace, as I had received resolve in these 3 simple answers: Communication, antibiotics, and generosity…(and again, not in that order)! I have to say, it’s pretty amazing to look back and see the answers unfold before me, just like that—“bingo, bango, bongo” (I remember that from a movie…I can't remember which one though.)!

Like all of those relationship books are telling us these days, men and women DO NOT communicate/ comprehend on the same level! And I get it! It’s usually not until one of us is ready to burst that we’ll actually sit down and talk about our feelings (both fearing the potential results of such confrontations), but once we do, we quickly learn that 80% of our issues are the result of stinky misunderstandings, and false interpretation! In my experiences, all 5 years of them, I have learned that with each great talk we have, we are improving the quality of the next one…quantity not excluded! And after laying it out on the table, this week we were able to prevent “another brick in the wall” from being placed between us, and with each brick averted we have that much more energy to share together positively…hey, my hubby took 3 days off (missing sleep to make up for it!) for family beach trips—oh, he is good to me!

As for the pee issue, certainly the antibiotics aren’t going to solve my potty training issues (although, there are a lot of moms out there who would pay for such a fix on the black market!), and certainly no mom wants to hear that their daughter has a bladder infection…but honestly, I was facing a new level of frustration that I knew could have either been brought on by a recent adaptation of defiance and independence…or a physical incapacity that has only caused her to shut down in frustration…Hmm. But to hear that it is a mere, common and treatable bladder infection--I’ll take the bottle of Ammoxacillin, thank you, and it couldn’t have come at a better time!

And as for rent: well, it’s a little embarrassing to have to come out here and say that we’ve been bailed out…again. But I guess what I am feeling is that I need to put it out there and tell you that it does happen. Boy, does it happen and it’s okay that it does! It doesn’t feel good to be seen as someone who can’t handle the life responsibilities we may or may not have chosen (ie., raising 2 kids on one very inconsistent income), but as we find ourselves praying for a blessing, or a miracle (or whatsoever you choose to call it), we have grown to understand that others “have” because God has given, and there are some very special people out there who understand this very well, choosing to give what they may consider excess, or even belonging to God. And although many may not understand why we “have not”, or even begin to comprehend what it has taken us to get to where we are today; we know that it is only for a season, and when this season is outgrown we can in turn take everything that we have learned, earned, and received, and give it back to God with the freedom of knowing that we can get along just fine “without”! But for the interim, we would have to be pretty ignorant to look at all that we have, yet be so daring as to say that we are without.
My unanswered questions and sources of aggravation from the week prior had been put to rest…the pieces falling into place one after the other, almost immediately. And this excludes to mention our growing history of needs having been met before we could even see what the answers were…and yet we are taken care of. Without, we definitely are not!

Let's be friends...

Ah, relationships! We don’t need them…Oh, but yes we do! We all have voids in our hearts that can only be filled with relationship… We need it, we crave it, we feel incomplete when they’re not working out…we are designed for it, yet we can never figure it out. But, unfortunately, these relationships we work so hard at maintaining will always disappoint, fade, and bruise, leaving us guarded from ever becoming vulnerable to another human being again. I always found it frustrating and could never understand why I cared so much about what my friends thought of me; why I cried when they didn’t turn to me; or felt it was soooo important that my family understood my actions, like I had to justify my decisions to get their full approval before I could go ahead! Relationships can be very efficient tools in holding us back…especially if self-doubt has become a realm of comfort. As soon as we lose trust in ourselves, we look to those around us who have proven themselves trustworthy; sometimes losing our identities along the way, finding shelter in theirs.

The truth is, I was never very good at making/keeping friends…but if you’re reading this my guess is that you already know it firsthand! I’ve been over sensitive to my friends’ perceptions of me, reading waaay too much into nothing! I was looking to them for validation, and when I didn’t get it, it became easy to walk away…but in tears, because I needed them to see me!! But no wonder they couldn’t see me…I was hiding behind my giant safe wall of “This-Is-What-You-Need-Me-To-Be”! This is only one example (of many) in which I have put the onus onto others to feed me, left at the table empty plate in hand; scrounging through abandoned, dejected crumbs of self-worth.

Yet relationship is woven into us, we need it, and we can’t get away from it…even once we convince ourselves that we don’t, we feel abandoned and lonely…lost. Relationship is the core to our being, our joy, our Salvation. John 15:9-12, 14-17 says: “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey me, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father and remain in his love. I have told you this so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! I command you to love each other in the same way that I love you. I no longer call you servants, because a master doesn’t confide in his servants. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. I command you to love each other.”

So here I am, knowing God for myself…comprehending a smidgen of his love for me, and building a relationship that I know will define me as “Joy, the One-and-Only; the Brilliant; the Oddly Humorous (Or so she thinks); the Irritable and Flatulent, Feline-resenting, Capable, Loved...Me”. Not finding value in the validation of others, but in the value God bestowed upon me as a fine piece of art…His art! “So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God—all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done for us in making us friends of God.” Romans 5: 10

But as I find comfort in my relationship with God, I struggle…to find balance in honoring these relationships that are difficult, tiresome, and at times, seemingly inconvenient…. Although I don’t believe that relationships are designed to fill us, I do know that God loves the people needed to have them! As am I asked to love them. He created us in his image…each and every one of us…yet we are all created unique with one-of-a-kind roles specific to his design. So does not each person reveal something about God’s character, heart, and creativity—each a gift of insight into his beautiful plan?? And as Romans 12 affirms: “We are all parts of his one body, and each of us has different work to do. And since we are all one body in Christ, we belong to each other, and each of us needs all the others.” (v. 5) “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” (v. 10)

And here-after, the craving for relationship continues! But with a different heart, perhaps these relationships still hold hope of liberation, gratification, fulfillment, and growth…. Shaking our selfishness, while releasing those we encounter of responsibility, we are free to enjoy them for who they are… appreciating their gifts, complimentary to each other's weaknesses, and valuing them for their individuality…freeing them of a burden which may be holding them back from seeing God’s beautiful creation, and their role in it.