Have You Ever Felt So Afraid...?

Have you ever felt so afraid to lose yourself,  you clung tight to all you are, desperate, each time you felt it tug?  I have, and I do. My husband has told me that I do not adapt to change well....  I'm beginning to see that he is right.   The past 6 years have been a struggle to define, and re-find myself as I cautiously step into new roles as wife and  mother, hanging on to what little bits of self I liked before it all changed again; fearful that these tiny pieces of me will get tossed amongst the diapers-- or worse...mysteriously disappear along with the other 32 socks--their partners stashed away, waiting patiently for  a reunion (but we know full well where this is going..).   

I fear that I will wake up one day, pull on my stretchy mom-jeans and pilly t-shirt, with my hair pulled back, and wonder: "Who is this woman?"  And what if I don't like her much?  What if she fails in these new roles, with more at the mercy of her choices? But worst of all, What if she hasn't changed at all?  Ridiculous, maybe; yet these are the lies that hold me back--again, getting in the way of myself.

But as I wrestle with these doubts a still, small voice inside me assures that this woman I am afraid to embrace--well, she is capable of far more than I have ever given her credit for....  And her life--far more exciting than the one already lived...

Weep not, My Love, thou art not lost. 

But it is I, who's payed the cost.
Take my hand, and drop thy fears;
Released to soar above my tears.


Allow Me, My Love; and be set free
as I gather shards of thee.
This life mournest thou, of falling hard;
give this to me--thy throbbing heart...


I cherish it--and her full desire;
but in my hands, it shall set fire!
With fears relieved, and heart ablaze;
'Tis I who marks thy noble days.

Of peace and joy, and beauty ripe,
Thou shalt blaze trails, and be my light!

But for this joy to set in thee,

The time is now, to hearken me.


I relish trust, thy love, and song;

but cannot work whilst thou hangs on.

So hear me, Love; and let it go...

More life awaits than thou dost know.