If I have such a hard time accepting my OWN differences, how can I claim to be so truly accepting of others'...?
Something I've recently been trying to process; but with this flu my brain is instead clouded with mucus. ...any thoughts?
UPDATE: In reply to HappyGirl02.
Yes, I believe I have watched that episode before...but it's always good to hear those things over again for it to really sink in. I like to believe I'm getting there, but obviously still have a few things I need to let go of....
When I posted the comment I was thinking more on the "judgment" side of it, as opposed to the "self-worth"...as in, am I being judgmental? In feeling ashamed about certain aspects/decisions in my life, does this also imply that I am ashamed for other's in the same place? I really don't think so. Or, why is it so hard for me to be free with myself? ...Because I feel there is an expectation/standard I need to live by...and if I were to truly believe this, then surely I would apply it to others, and the way they live? But I DON'T believe this!! Okay, so I feel like I'm going in circles now, 'cause I know I've been over this before, but I suppose that's how Satan likes to weave his lies, stealing us of our joy. Two steps forward. One step back....
So, I don't believe I hold other's to standards/expectations, and I don't believe I am to live my life by expectation; but I have to admit, these hurdles keep repeating themselves in new situations as I keep finding new standards that I don’t quite fit into.... But the reminders are showing up quicker and the lies seem more ridiculous, which must be a sign of progress, right?
I've come a long ways, but I'm certainly not there. The part that is bothering me in all this, is that my freedom was bought and paid for. It's mine--at the front door--waiting to be ripped into, grasped, and appreciated! Why is this, the most precious gift I am to ever receive, the hardest one to open..?!! Generally, when we know it's a good one, we don't bother to peel away the layers, but dig our nails into the packaging, and with 1 vicious strike, the wrapping is discarded, and we're screeching in joy over the "totally awesome!" gift inside. Not this one, though. Nope. It's like unwrapping the soccer ball from your brother, under layers upon layers of duct tape--only to find out it's not a soccer ball at all, but underneath all the layers is a tiny, monogrammed ring—more precious then any soccer ball, but much harder to get into!
But then again, I imagine mom standing over me with a pair of kitchen scissors, pleading with me to be done with it...let Christmas go on! But I can't do that...no. I must prove something. I must prove that I can "do it myself!"
Why can't I just open it, and let life go on?!
Because apparently I must prove to the world that I am human, and faulty, and independent; and that I am easily distracted by what’s not important, and completely insufficient at doing it myself. I have to laugh at this! Definitely not what I set out to prove; but I am human, and all these things…. I most definitely need to reach outside of myself, and this realm to rise above these fallacies, and I just proved it. I prove it again and again. And, therefore, I just proved HIM. =]
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
30.10.09
8.8.09
Feel the Love, and Do It Anyway
So, I have finally made the time to sit down and learn more about my Father who has made me. I have been craving a deeper knowledge for some time now, but am noticing that every time I try to still my soul long enough to meditate on the Word, I am oh-so conveniently pulled away… Just tonight, as I was sitting down, ready to open my Bible, in walks hubby…. Well, it’s been too long, and I’m not going to let another opportunity slip away…not sure I can make it through tomorrow without it.
Found myself in 1st John this evening, captured by the words in 1 John 4:16-18. "God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we are like Christ here in this world. Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that his love has not been perfected in us."
Fear has been ruling my life since as long as I can remember, and although I have made leaps towards “finding my inner confidence”, lately I’ve been convicted, knowing that it is time to step my game up a notch…or 2.
Trying to “find” confidence has been a slow ride for me. About 5 years ago it was highly recommended that I read “Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway”, maybe you’ve heard of it. But after many failed attempts at several of the ‘exercises’ required of me, I only became more discouraged that the book wasn’t providing the courage needed to take that initial plunge into the unknown…and in keeping with my usual character, I gave up.
Well, that was 5 years ago, and things are different now…. Or are they? Although I haven’t made much time lately to dig into the word myself, I have been trying to fill my daily background with teachings from those who know it rather well. And so it seems everyone has something to say about fear, which, ironically, is something along the lines of “feel the fear, and do it anyway”…haha. Jokes on me! So, what..?! I’ve wasted 5 years waiting for a “feeling”..? A feeling which is only the result of the action!! Thinking back, I have been told repeatedly by friends and family that I “just need to do it”. “Just do it”, “Don’t think about it” they say, as if they know how difficult this is for me! Seriously, maybe they should have just bought me a pair of Nikes, and we’d be done with it…or maybe, 5 years ago I didn’t understand just exactly how that worked into God’s design for me.
I finally started to connect the dots a few years ago, leading up to my baptism, but now I am finally beginning to take it to the next level. It is so obvious, I find myself embarrassed to admit it has taken so long. =] Joyce Meyer caught my attention with her words: “If you say ‘I don’t think I can’, what you’re really saying is ‘I DON’T THINK I AM,’” as in, loved by God. Ouch, that one cut a little. And I thought I was doing pretty good. I don’t think we will ever fully comprehend His love for us until we are resting peacefully in His arms, but this statement opened my eyes to see how superficially I have allowed Him to love me…fully. Or perhaps it would be better to say that I have only accepted His love towards the qualities in me that have been revealed, either as successes or failures...past and present. The profundity of His sacrifice is so far beyond my depth of knowledge as human, I can only relate it to the love that I know. Having lived in such fear I am learning that there is much more yet to be discovered, and perhaps surrendering the “Me” that is to come won’t be such a feat once I can understand how deeply he already loves her too.
I’m not expecting immediate change (been there, done that! Ha.) but maybe now that I see how “feeling the fear” is the choice that I need to make towards accepting the love that He is trying to pour out onto me, I can at least convince myself that I would be foolish not to…because in the end, His Love is all I will ever need. As a woman, (and until you are one, I don't think you could ever get it), and a woman with an INFP (Meyers and Briggs Introverted-Intuition-Feeling-Perception personality model), it has been a challenge not to let my emotions dictate my actions; but I have to say, it's getting much easier. =]
Found myself in 1st John this evening, captured by the words in 1 John 4:16-18. "God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we are like Christ here in this world. Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that his love has not been perfected in us."
Fear has been ruling my life since as long as I can remember, and although I have made leaps towards “finding my inner confidence”, lately I’ve been convicted, knowing that it is time to step my game up a notch…or 2.
Trying to “find” confidence has been a slow ride for me. About 5 years ago it was highly recommended that I read “Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway”, maybe you’ve heard of it. But after many failed attempts at several of the ‘exercises’ required of me, I only became more discouraged that the book wasn’t providing the courage needed to take that initial plunge into the unknown…and in keeping with my usual character, I gave up.
Well, that was 5 years ago, and things are different now…. Or are they? Although I haven’t made much time lately to dig into the word myself, I have been trying to fill my daily background with teachings from those who know it rather well. And so it seems everyone has something to say about fear, which, ironically, is something along the lines of “feel the fear, and do it anyway”…haha. Jokes on me! So, what..?! I’ve wasted 5 years waiting for a “feeling”..? A feeling which is only the result of the action!! Thinking back, I have been told repeatedly by friends and family that I “just need to do it”. “Just do it”, “Don’t think about it” they say, as if they know how difficult this is for me! Seriously, maybe they should have just bought me a pair of Nikes, and we’d be done with it…or maybe, 5 years ago I didn’t understand just exactly how that worked into God’s design for me.
I finally started to connect the dots a few years ago, leading up to my baptism, but now I am finally beginning to take it to the next level. It is so obvious, I find myself embarrassed to admit it has taken so long. =] Joyce Meyer caught my attention with her words: “If you say ‘I don’t think I can’, what you’re really saying is ‘I DON’T THINK I AM,’” as in, loved by God. Ouch, that one cut a little. And I thought I was doing pretty good. I don’t think we will ever fully comprehend His love for us until we are resting peacefully in His arms, but this statement opened my eyes to see how superficially I have allowed Him to love me…fully. Or perhaps it would be better to say that I have only accepted His love towards the qualities in me that have been revealed, either as successes or failures...past and present. The profundity of His sacrifice is so far beyond my depth of knowledge as human, I can only relate it to the love that I know. Having lived in such fear I am learning that there is much more yet to be discovered, and perhaps surrendering the “Me” that is to come won’t be such a feat once I can understand how deeply he already loves her too.
I’m not expecting immediate change (been there, done that! Ha.) but maybe now that I see how “feeling the fear” is the choice that I need to make towards accepting the love that He is trying to pour out onto me, I can at least convince myself that I would be foolish not to…because in the end, His Love is all I will ever need. As a woman, (and until you are one, I don't think you could ever get it), and a woman with an INFP (Meyers and Briggs Introverted-Intuition-Feeling-Perception personality model), it has been a challenge not to let my emotions dictate my actions; but I have to say, it's getting much easier. =]
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