Ah, relationships! We don’t need them…Oh, but yes we do! We all have voids in our hearts that can only be filled with relationship… We need it, we crave it, we feel incomplete when they’re not working out…we are designed for it, yet we can never figure it out. But, unfortunately, these relationships we work so hard at maintaining will always disappoint, fade, and bruise, leaving us guarded from ever becoming vulnerable to another human being again. I always found it frustrating and could never understand why I cared so much about what my friends thought of me; why I cried when they didn’t turn to me; or felt it was soooo important that my family understood my actions, like I had to justify my decisions to get their full approval before I could go ahead! Relationships can be very efficient tools in holding us back…especially if self-doubt has become a realm of comfort. As soon as we lose trust in ourselves, we look to those around us who have proven themselves trustworthy; sometimes losing our identities along the way, finding shelter in theirs.
The truth is, I was never very good at making/keeping friends…but if you’re reading this my guess is that you already know it firsthand! I’ve been over sensitive to my friends’ perceptions of me, reading waaay too much into nothing! I was looking to them for validation, and when I didn’t get it, it became easy to walk away…but in tears, because I needed them to see me!! But no wonder they couldn’t see me…I was hiding behind my giant safe wall of “This-Is-What-You-Need-Me-To-Be”! This is only one example (of many) in which I have put the onus onto others to feed me, left at the table empty plate in hand; scrounging through abandoned, dejected crumbs of self-worth.
Yet relationship is woven into us, we need it, and we can’t get away from it…even once we convince ourselves that we don’t, we feel abandoned and lonely…lost. Relationship is the core to our being, our joy, our Salvation. John 15:9-12, 14-17 says: “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey me, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father and remain in his love. I have told you this so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! I command you to love each other in the same way that I love you. I no longer call you servants, because a master doesn’t confide in his servants. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. I command you to love each other.”
So here I am, knowing God for myself…comprehending a smidgen of his love for me, and building a relationship that I know will define me as “Joy, the One-and-Only; the Brilliant; the Oddly Humorous (Or so she thinks); the Irritable and Flatulent, Feline-resenting, Capable, Loved...Me”. Not finding value in the validation of others, but in the value God bestowed upon me as a fine piece of art…His art! “So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God—all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done for us in making us friends of God.” Romans 5: 10
But as I find comfort in my relationship with God, I struggle…to find balance in honoring these relationships that are difficult, tiresome, and at times, seemingly inconvenient…. Although I don’t believe that relationships are designed to fill us, I do know that God loves the people needed to have them! As am I asked to love them. He created us in his image…each and every one of us…yet we are all created unique with one-of-a-kind roles specific to his design. So does not each person reveal something about God’s character, heart, and creativity—each a gift of insight into his beautiful plan?? And as Romans 12 affirms: “We are all parts of his one body, and each of us has different work to do. And since we are all one body in Christ, we belong to each other, and each of us needs all the others.” (v. 5) “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” (v. 10)
And here-after, the craving for relationship continues! But with a different heart, perhaps these relationships still hold hope of liberation, gratification, fulfillment, and growth…. Shaking our selfishness, while releasing those we encounter of responsibility, we are free to enjoy them for who they are… appreciating their gifts, complimentary to each other's weaknesses, and valuing them for their individuality…freeing them of a burden which may be holding them back from seeing God’s beautiful creation, and their role in it.
The truth is, I was never very good at making/keeping friends…but if you’re reading this my guess is that you already know it firsthand! I’ve been over sensitive to my friends’ perceptions of me, reading waaay too much into nothing! I was looking to them for validation, and when I didn’t get it, it became easy to walk away…but in tears, because I needed them to see me!! But no wonder they couldn’t see me…I was hiding behind my giant safe wall of “This-Is-What-You-Need-Me-To-Be”! This is only one example (of many) in which I have put the onus onto others to feed me, left at the table empty plate in hand; scrounging through abandoned, dejected crumbs of self-worth.
Yet relationship is woven into us, we need it, and we can’t get away from it…even once we convince ourselves that we don’t, we feel abandoned and lonely…lost. Relationship is the core to our being, our joy, our Salvation. John 15:9-12, 14-17 says: “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey me, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father and remain in his love. I have told you this so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! I command you to love each other in the same way that I love you. I no longer call you servants, because a master doesn’t confide in his servants. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. I command you to love each other.”
So here I am, knowing God for myself…comprehending a smidgen of his love for me, and building a relationship that I know will define me as “Joy, the One-and-Only; the Brilliant; the Oddly Humorous (Or so she thinks); the Irritable and Flatulent, Feline-resenting, Capable, Loved...Me”. Not finding value in the validation of others, but in the value God bestowed upon me as a fine piece of art…His art! “So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God—all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done for us in making us friends of God.” Romans 5: 10
But as I find comfort in my relationship with God, I struggle…to find balance in honoring these relationships that are difficult, tiresome, and at times, seemingly inconvenient…. Although I don’t believe that relationships are designed to fill us, I do know that God loves the people needed to have them! As am I asked to love them. He created us in his image…each and every one of us…yet we are all created unique with one-of-a-kind roles specific to his design. So does not each person reveal something about God’s character, heart, and creativity—each a gift of insight into his beautiful plan?? And as Romans 12 affirms: “We are all parts of his one body, and each of us has different work to do. And since we are all one body in Christ, we belong to each other, and each of us needs all the others.” (v. 5) “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” (v. 10)
And here-after, the craving for relationship continues! But with a different heart, perhaps these relationships still hold hope of liberation, gratification, fulfillment, and growth…. Shaking our selfishness, while releasing those we encounter of responsibility, we are free to enjoy them for who they are… appreciating their gifts, complimentary to each other's weaknesses, and valuing them for their individuality…freeing them of a burden which may be holding them back from seeing God’s beautiful creation, and their role in it.
